Zaphod to the rescue....

Well first I'd like to introduce my new Facebook page, you know you like me,
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Zaphod-Jr-Hamster/344230508943800
I guess today was bound to be one of those days from the moment I woke up. I woke up about 4pm staggered from my bed to my water bottle and drunk as loud as I could to make a point of it not being vodka then went off to my food store to find a real drink. Crossing my cage a dog biscuit fell on my head. I don't like dog biscuits, the others might but I find them degrading. Evil eying the culprit I went to hide under my shelf again, humans can be right pests. Later when It became time to get out and explore my locality, I was planning on catching the overnight train to London, I'd heard there was some booze spill somewhere, thought it needed licking up, when a shriek came from a cage, wobbling round I wondered who it was with the second I knew, It was Charring Cross, my fair love, Bounding to her rescue was the only option!
Climbing on to her shelf I peered into her cage and there looking a little confused was the Robo, (tiny cannibal fellow, likes to eat other hamsters bit odd for his species but that guy has issues) what was worrying her was the knife and fork he was holding and his bib. She yelled, "He has already seasoned me, I'm never going to get this parsley out of my fur! Stop the crazed rodent!!"
I took a moment to work out the best course of action, this moment included getting my hip flask out taking a swig and offering it to both Charring and the Robo, who both turned it down while giving me the strangest looks. I thought it was one of those moments that needed a quick swig of something strong, it was only floor cleaner! Then an idea struck me. Literally something fell off the door and hit my head. Luckily it was only some stuffing from a coat so it didn't hurt but it gave me an idea. I hurried off to borrow one of Polly's sticks (She has a compulsive chewing disorder, makes her chew everything she can see poor girl, not very good conversation when she starts nibbling your fur I can tell you!) I attached the fluff to the end of the stick and gave it eyes using poop and stuck it through Charring's bars. The ball of fluff now looked almost exactly like the crazed Robo, and the crazed Robo's favorite snack was its own species, he turned and pulled out his parsley starting to run at the stick, I pulled it through the bars then ran with it in my paw across the room then threw it shortly after the Robo dived on to it. What the Robo didn't know was that I'd doused it in Chloroform he'd be out cold for the rest of the night, then his tiny straight jacket would be back on when the humans found him.
Dusting my paws I started walking back to Charring's cage when I passed out, I'd forgotten to put the lid on the chloroform and all the hamsters were unconcious, My paw the humans were confused when the came into the room!